Is Tinder a place for creeps? Lets talk about it.
Is tinder a place for creeps? I just received this post in my digest and I wanted to share a little bit about my past experience with Tinder. I will also explain my firsthand exposure to a variety of creeps on this platform. The definition of a creep is a detestable person deserving of intense dislike. So we begin.
My experience with dating apps has been somewhat involved. I worked for a major dating website right out of college and I have seen substantial inappropriate behavior. I would label about one in fifty people true “creeps”. One of my positions held was quality assurance. I was responsible for routinely reading message threads that were flagged by users.
Here are some of the things I saw on a regular basis:
- Unsolicited images of extremities. People who send unwanted or unsolicited images can be classified as having a sexual over-perception bias. There are distinct differences in what is considered acceptable behavior for the different genders. This kind of behavior could also be labeled as an Interoceptive bias, where people allow sensory input to affect their judgement.
- Obsessive Behavior after receiving several indicators of interest. It’s important to maintain interest leading up to an actual meeting. It’s equally important not to get jealous or possessive. I read complaints all the time about guys being downright nasty because they’re not getting an immediate response from a woman. Guys will send hundreds of messages while the other party is simply working or even sleeping.
- Threats. You wouldn’t really see this one coming, but after being rejected some men return to vicious threats as a way to cope. This is a crime and can get you put in jail.
- Lying. While most people wouldn’t report someone simply for lying I did read a fair number of reports about people saying they owned properties and had non-existent assets so they could have relations with someone. One specific incident I saw was a man told a woman he owned a software company and multiple homes in Hawaii when in reality he lived with his mother in rural Texas and had little to no experience writing software professionally.
- Stalking. Some people get rejected and resort to using websites like albion-services in order to track other Tinder users and find out their location. I won’t completely detest services like these because they do have real world legitimate application but they are often abused by creeps.
All in all Tinder, like any dating platform, is a place for anyone and not just specifically creeps. Platforms like Tinder and Bumble provide tools so women can easily filter out men with little self control and dangerous unhealthy behavior. When I meet a man on line, I first down right reject him using a second profile to see how he deals with rejection. Then if he remains a gentleman, I’ll match with him on my real profile. This isn’t as time consuming as it seems because most women basically get matched by everyone on Tinder.
Recently Tinder announced it would be launching a variety of new safety features, including a new AI-powered system to help flag potentially offensive messages. The system will ask recipients of any flagged messages: “Does this bother you?” and will direct users who respond “yes” to a report form. While an amazing attempt at “uncreeping” the platform, there is still the grey area. What creeps out one may not creep out all. It is not a perfect system, but it’s a good start.
I bet you are wanting a good juicy story of a creep that slipped through the cracks. so, then without further ado, I will share a time that my Tinder date went horribly awry. On paper this guy seemed perfect. He didn’t pry, he didn’t push. I rejected him with burner accounts and he handled it with the grace and ease of a true gentleman. I wanted “normal” and he appeared to fit the bill.
We met on an unseasonably cold Friday back in September. He looked exactly like his picture; tall, well dressed, and very attractive. I instantly felt attracted to this man. I normally belly up to the bar as a protection mechanism for first date. This time I led us to a more intimate seat in a quiet corner of the bar. The conversation flowed effortlessly. He was an active listener and seemed interested in getting to know me. I was hopeful.
I realized that it was getting late and reluctantly announced that I would need to go home shortly. It was at this moment that the whole date shifted and this prince charming turned into a total creep. He started begging me to stay out longer. In an attempt to delay my departure, he actually flagged down the waitress and ordered me another cocktail.
I knew that I needed to leave immediately so I stood up and started putting on my jacket. He grabbed my arm and tried to playfully pull me onto his lap. Without much thought I let out a small cry for help. This really upset him. He told me that I would need to move faster, as in put out on the first date, if I were to ever get a boyfriend. I didn’t even reply and just moved closer to the crowd near the front of the bar. My insides were telling me that I should not be isolated with this guy.
Very quickly I found an Uber and got out of there. The whole way home I cried and felt like a complete fool. How could I get duped on a platform that I regularly scan for this exact personality type? How did he sneak through my thorough vetting? It was weeks before I could even share my experience because I was ashamed of my foolishness.
Life went on and I have become even more rigid in my pre-date screening. I have done some Tinder dating as well as friend-of-a-friend referral dating. Both have brought joy and anguish. I realize that creeps are great at fooling their victims. They are full of deceit and trickery. And they are everywhere.